🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?